NIKOLAI KOSKE - SILVER CLAN, CLANSMAN

THE WANDERING MARTYR

TWENTY-TWO ● MALE ● BLE

Nikolai identifies as a silver clansman first and foremost above anything else. After the tragedy he was involved in, it is this standard of duty he pushes himself to uphold that helps maintain his sanity and keeps him living. Therefore, he is superbly loyal and will go above and beyond to fulfill orders. The Silver King, and all members of the clan, are viewed as closer than family, and he will do anything to protect them.

After the attack on Arthur and the scattering of the clan to the four winds, Nikolai has been unable to really settle down anywhere. His true calling, serving the King and furthering the clans' ideals, isn't something he can do alone. So he holds himself to his personal code of honor, wandering Raduga and taking many odd jobs. What this entails varies from place to place, he might help someone build a house, teach a person how to swordfight, tutor on general first aid or animal husbandry. No matter what he does though, he only asks for enough supplies to help him continue his wandering, and tends to refuse any extra money.

At his core, Nikolai is a conflicted man. From a very early age he was a proud individual, confident and self-assured. Seeing as his parents held high ranks in society, he believed himself to be entitled to a great many things. He had the habit of looking down his nose at certain people and things as he considered himself above such types. This made him quite hard to approach unless you were the of the same or of a higher social class. Even though he is doing his best to leave his past behind him, these traits can still come to the forefront, especially when under emotional duress. Should someone hurt him, in the heat of the moment he will deem them unworthy of his attention. After he's had time to calm down, he will reassess the situation and make strides to apologize.

Such may make Nikolai sound like a fragile man, and that's not far from the mark. From what he's been through, his grip on certain facets of himself do waver, and it can be difficult for him to reel himself in. His flaws are great and run deep. He can be arrogant, haughty and down right cruel. In his darker moments, he can be considered almost sadistically apathetic, not caring for others or how they feel. When that side of him slips out he is prone to outbursts and he has burned many bridges only to regret it later.

He is not completely unaware of these negative traits though. In fact, he is almost overly sensitive to the darkness within himself. To compensate for these qualities he has become a man of faith, seeking redemption from a higher power. Nikolai is extremely cognizant of the fact that he has been a horrid man, and pushes himself to follow a new path of righteousness. He waves away pay raises and tips, and vehemently denies compliments. Such kindness is not meant for him. He strives to live selflessly, doggedly pursuing a pay-it-forward attitude. Any good he does for others, he wants no recognition or recompense for it.

Left to his own devices, he can drift into brooding as the memories of what he has done hound him. During particularly bad breaks he turns to self-flagellation in an attempt to show his regret as well as bleed away his demons. Despite seeking redemption at all costs, some part of him is convinced that no matter what he does he will be damned one way or another, and so there is a certain helplessness to his actions. He would never admit this however, preferring to bottle it up and hide behind a gentle facade.

With his facial features and long, wavy white hair, Nikolai could be considered extremely feminine. Many people who are just given a portrait of him to work with would likely guess that he was a woman. Gifted with his mother's beauty, he has a dainty face with a smooth jaw and small nose. That paired with his full lips and brilliant blue eyes with thick 'lashes all contribute to his girly air. Given such an appearance, it's easy to see how people would think that he's a frail waif. However, such an assumption is quickly proved wrong as soon as they take in the rest of him.

Despite his pretty boy face, his stature is respectable. Topping out around 5'11", he is not the largest man, but he is just tall enough to stand out in a crowd. His build tends to surprise others. Given his hair and the womanly structure of his features, one might guess that under his clothes would be a curvy, androgynous body. Yet that is simply not true. Where one might expect girly hips and a waspish waist, there instead lies a male frame. Granted, he's not extremely bulky, but there is no denying his masculinity. A lean torso gives way to lithe, lanky legs. He is not made for sheer power, rather he is a quick athlete, honed for dexterity and quick strikes.

Nikolai dresses himself in a way as to avoid attention. While he is well-groomed and prefers clean cut clothes, he shies away from bright colors or styles that would draw a stranger's gaze. This likely stems from his belief that because of what he has done, he has no right to stand out in front of others.

With his penchant for self-harm to pursue redemption, his body is littered with a variety of scars. The most prominent of these lie across his back, wicked lash marks that were tended to in such a way as to heal cleanly but leave behind dark scars. It is not uncommon for him to bear new marks and so he is often accompanied by the smell of blood, though he does his best to keep his bandages clean and tidy.

Nikolai is not a man that takes failure well...Or at least, not his own failure. He is extremely sensitive to his own flaws and shortcomings, and feels the need to punish himself for them. He has taken up the habit of self-flagellating ever since his betrayal of his men, and has continued it on over the centuries of his existence. It's something very personal to him that he does his best to remain secretive of.